


With or Without Words

by little_passions



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben learns to use his words, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Inspired by Poetry, Mother-Son Relationship, Not much coffee for a coffee shop AU, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 02:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_passions/pseuds/little_passions
Summary: She scribbled his name. With how long it took, Ben half-expected to see something likedickheadon it later. After she'd finished, she gestured to the pick up counter.Ben hesitated. He glanced at her nameplate, which was slightly askew. Luckily, her name was still readable."Thank you Rey."He caught the wide eyed look on her face as he turned away. Once at the counter, he glanced down at his wrist.162 words left.---A sort of coffee shop AU set in a universe where people have restrictions that allow them only 167 words a day. Ben has an easy time dealing with it. Rey, unsurprisingly, does not.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 32
Kudos: 248





	With or Without Words

**Author's Note:**

> Been pushing myself to post a fic in forever, and this was the result. The story is based on a poem, [The Quiet World](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/49238/the-quiet-world) by Jeffrey McDaniel. I read a fic that was inspired by it, and many years later, it's stayed with me and inspired me through writer's block. :)

It was only ten in the morning, but the girl had already used up all of her words. 

Ben glanced up from her wrist. He'd been caught. The barista had a frown on her face. No doubt his judgement had probably been on full display. In return, she made her displeasure obvious. She grabbed the menu on the counter and shoved it at him.

Awful customer service, but he probably deserved it. Restrictions were a sensitive issue, and he was a rare exception. He'd gotten his willingly. For most people, it'd been forced onto them.

Not wanting to bother her further, Ben pointed at his order. The girl jerked the menu back and put it aside. His bill flashed on the counter monitor, and he felt the heat of her gaze as he fished through his wallet for his card.

He could apologize, but it seemed too late for that. At most, he only had a minute left with her. 

The glaring only stopped when the girl left the counter. Ben watched as she looked around for a marker. She paced back and forth, and moved things aside more roughly the longer it took to find it. Ben could see the marker from where he was. It was lying on the counter behind her, by the espresso machine. 

But just as he'd decided to point it out, the girl spotted it.

She wasn't any less displeased when she faced him, marker in hand. She tapped the takeaway cup expectantly. 

"Ben." He paused. "Please."

She scribbled his name. With how long it took, Ben half-expected to see something like _dickhead_ on it later. After she'd finished, she gestured to the pick up counter.

Ben hesitated. He glanced at her nameplate, which was slightly askew. Luckily, her name was still readable.

"Thank you Rey."

He caught the wide eyed look on her face as he turned away. Once at the counter, he glanced down at his wrist. 

_162 words left._

\---

Despite the awkward first encounter, he returned to the café.

She wasn't there during his two succeeding visits, but she was there on the third. She wasn't working the counter, but at least he wasn't on the receiving end of any glares. In fact, he didn't think that she remembered him. 

As he waited in line, he'd tried to catch her eye. She looked at him once before promptly walking off to the sink. He didn't feel relieved. 

The barista at the counter was a petite Asian girl. She chatted easily with the customers ahead of him. It made the wait longer, but Ben assumed that her friendliness meant good tips. He couldn't dislike her for that.

She greeted him with a smile once it was his turn. "What can I get you today?"

Ben returned her smile briefly before pointing at his order. 

He didn't feel like talking.

_167 words left._

\---

Who needed intrusive artificial intelligence when there were people who didn't grasp the concept of an inside voice? The group of students were clearly close with the baristas. The café was fairly empty, so the staff had long abandoned their posts at the counter. And all together, they formed some sort of obnoxious hipster crew. Not a quiet or subtle one though. Not content with hogging the best tables, every so often someone would look at him then whisper to a friend. 

He wondered what they thought of him. Corporate sellout? Soulless capitalist? Whatever it was, they were probably more right than wrong. 

Ben checked his watch. His mother was running late. He regretted suggesting that they meet at the café. The hipsters were openly talking about him. They were chatting about how they could _never _bear to work an average office job. They were going to pursue their passions. They weren't going to be like their parents. 

Minutes felt like hours in this pretentious and highly caffeinated prison.

"Another?"

Ben looked up. It was her.

Her apron wasn't tied at the back, and her nametag was still lopsided. Her hair was coming out of her three buns. But she was smiling like she was genuinely glad to see him. Like they were friends, and not awkward acquaintances.

Ben shook his head.

"Okay, let me know if you need anything." She tucked back a loose strand of hair as she spoke. The number on her wrist decreased. Digits slid into the next.

The number on his wrist remained unchanged.

"Can I clear your table?"

"No, I'm fine." His throat was rough from hours of silence. He cleared it. "I'll clean up before I head out."

His phone interrupted before she could say another word. They both glanced at the source of noise. A text from his mother flashed on the screen.

_Stuck in traffic. Can we meet at yours? It's closer._

He picked up his phone and replied. She was still standing in front of him when he finished. For some reason, she looked amused. Ben wasn't sure whether he was happy about that or not.

"Take something to go?"

"You're persistent."

She pointed behind him, and he turned his head to follow. There was a bulletin board filled with ads for bands and upcoming art shows. But to the right of that was a hastily written sign which read employee of the month, and under it were six consecutive polaroid photos of her.

"Our cookies are vegan and gluten free."

Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes. _Of course_ this place had gluten free cookies. Luckily enough, his limited reserves of restraint pulled him back from saying that aloud. He managed an unimpressed, but hopefully unoffensive, look.

"Is there anything actually edible?"

"Apple pie."

Pulled in by her smile, he walked out the door with a takeaway slice of pie, a little less cash, and an extra bounce in his step. And even though he hadn't gone home in a rush, he'd arrived before his mother.

Once she showed up, she greeted him with a quick kiss and an elaborate story about what had happened to her. He kept quiet but listened as he led her to sit at his table. She continued to talk while he moved around and made noncommittal noises every now and then to prove that he was listening. He came out from his kitchen and set down the slice of pie. Leia reached for it and he caught her staring at his wrist.

True to her usual standard of patience, his mom said nothing about it until he'd sat down across her.

"Anything happen to you this morning?" She gestured to his wrist.

Ben thought of Rey. He thought of her bright personality and her way of speaking. She used her words liberally. She didn't glance down at her wrist when talking to people. She just did it.

_150 words left._

Leia was looking at him expectantly.

Ben shrugged and said nothing.

\---

It was easy for him to go a whole day without speaking. His colleagues at work sent e-mails. Texts or messages if something was urgent. They'd all come to realize that if he was forced to speak, it was usually because he was angry.

Everything led back to anger.

It was the reason for his restriction in the first place. His uncle had assumed it would help him grow up, that it would teach him self-control and help him settle down. It hadn't. But he couldn't blame his uncle for everything. So until Ben felt otherwise, he refused the right to speak freely. He was okay with the comfort of silence. It was safer for things to be left unsaid.

Yet nowadays, all he could think about were things that he wanted to say. He'd been walking briskly until he realized that he couldn't think of a conversation starter. What did people say once greetings were over with?

Ben tried to sort through the day's events. His intern had dropped his pizza. His mom had texted to ask about the pie. His meeting with Hux had gotten cancelled.

He'd been reminded of Rey every time someone walked by with coffee.

He arrived at the café with nothing interesting to say. Muscle memory carried him through the doorway. As his mind raced to catch up, Ben half-hoped that Rey wasn't around. It would be best if she was on a different shift. A wasted lunch break was fine as long as he didn't mess up again.

His gaze centered on the counter. Rey was there, and she gave him a small wave. Even from a distance he could see the bright red zero on her wrist. Ben clenched and unclenched his fist as he approached.

He hadn't entertained the idea that she might not be able to say anything back. He'd been looking forward to seeing her the whole day. Now he approached with dread. Yet despite his inner turmoil, Rey remained a perfect picture of ease.

"Hi."

Rey turned the menu for him. He leaned forward and scanned the offerings. He wasn't in the mood for coffee, and he didn't want to bother with tea. He glanced at the food on display.

He'd just decided on forcing himself to buy a blueberry muffin when Rey cleared her throat. His attention shifted back to her, and he watched as she pointed at a square in the upper right corner of the menu. Inside the box were two words.

_Surprise me!_

Rey looked pleased with herself. Ben hesitated. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't picky and he didn't hate _everything_, but that didn't mean he wanted to run the risk of lying to her. His judgement over her lack of self-control had been obvious when they were strangers. They weren't quite friends now, but he was sure she'd read him like a book.

"...are you sure?" 

Rey nodded. Ben glanced down at the menu then back at her. He'd always hated surprises.

"Okay, fine. Go ahead."

Rey clapped her hands together then gestured for him to turn around. He grudgingly complied. The café wasn't full anyway. The other barista was doodling on a notebook. An elderly couple chatted in the corner, and a girl was passed out on her table.

Rey tapped his shoulder to signal that she was done. She handed his drink. It didn't feel warm. Ben wondered what it was.

"How much do I owe you?"

She waved him off. As if sensing that he wasn't going to give in, she crossed her arms.

"No, really." Rey's expression remained unchanged, but he persisted. He had more than enough money. Ben put the drink down so that he could take out his wallet. "You have to let me buy something. Give me a slice of cake."

Rey sighed. She nudged his drink forward before walking off to get him a slice. Ben lifted the cup to taste whatever it was that she'd prepared. It tasted like nothing.

In fact, Ben was fairly sure it was water.

He set the cup down and removed the lid. He'd been right - she'd given him water. Rey returned just as soon as he'd put the lid back on. She chuckled and looked at him expectantly.

He stared back at her. He didn't know what to think or do. Was it supposed to be funny? He felt confused and mildly scammed.

Rey shook her head disapprovingly then rotated his drink slightly. Numbers were scrawled onto the side of the cup. Ben leaned in to look at it closer.

It was a phone number.

Rey was blushing now. Her eyes were averted. Ben was at a loss for words.

"Excuse me, could you hurry up?"

Ben took a few bills out of his wallet. He grabbed his cup and walked out. It was only when he was in the safety of his office that he allowed himself to go over what had just happened.

He checked his wrist on impulse. He'd used twenty nine words.

He grabbed his phone, typed in the number, then set it back down. Ben stared at the ceiling for answers. After a few minutes, nothing came, so he retrieved his phone. He typed the first thing that came to mind then hid his phone away in a drawer. He glanced at his wrist again.

_138 words left._

He busied himself with nothing in particular. He rearranged his desk. He sent e-mails that could've waited for tomorrow. He got himself water.

Left with nothing else to do, he checked his phone.

**Are you free tonight?**

_Yes_

_But I don't have words left :( Is that ok?_

Ben didn't think twice. He said yes.

\---

On the days they couldn't meet, he'd call. Rey didn't say anything most of the time, her words already used up.

It was awkward, and he dreaded it, but how could he say no? Rey said she preferred it to texts. She'd told him that she wanted him to hear his voice.

The phone calls didn't last nearly as long as they felt. If anything, Ben suspected they were mostly full of dead air. He could never think straight. His sentences trailed into silence, and he stumbled over phrases that he'd spent the whole day preparing.

He just wanted to impress her, make her like him as much as he liked her. There were always more important, more personal things that he wanted to say, but he buried it under the mundane. He told her about what had happened at work. He commented on a book he'd read. He talked about his mom when he felt brave.

Rey laughed. She made soft hums and noises of sympathy. And after every call, regardless of how disastrous it'd been, she'd text.

_Thank you :)_

How could he not call her again?

\---

To his great surprise, Ben hadn't fucked things up.

They stopped meeting at the cafe once it was revealed that Ben didn't actually like coffee that much and that Rey detested her co-workers. They made her feel uncool. Ben spared a few of his words to make fun of them. Rey laughed and used none of hers.

Everything seemed easy, and he was terrified. He re-arranged his workdays so that their schedules could match. He spent time searching for things that he thought she would like. He brought her to an art supply store that he frequented. He suffered through an amateur production of Romeo and Juliet that her friends had put on.

He saved his words for her.

Putting his feelings to words was difficult. Even before he'd had a limit, it was a struggle. But he would keep finding other ways to convey what he felt, like trying to look comfortable while squeezed into the piece of furniture that Rey and Finn claimed was a sofa. Poe and a few others were sitting by him, seemingly unbothered by the lack of space. He'd done his part to spare a few words for them, but once Poe started talking about another one of his wild adventures, he'd zoned out.

Ben turned to look for Rey. She wasn't around. He caught Finn's eye, and the latter seemed to sense that he was in need of a lifeline. Finn pointed in the direction of her room.

He excused himself and left, curious as to why Rey had suddenly disappeared. Escaping social events was more of his thing. Her door was open, so Ben simply knocked on the door before entering. Rey didn't even look up. She was busy flipping through a pamphlet.

Ben carefully pushed aside the money that was on her bed and sat down. Her bed creaked noisily under his weight.

"I scheduled an appointment." Rey explained as she handed him the pamphlet. It was about the procedure for removing word restrictions. Ben knew enough about it, so he pushed it back in her direction.

Rey bit her lip and set it aside. "The tips from today were enough to get me over the line. I couldn't help myself. I had to do it today."

Ben knew that she'd wanted this for herself since forever. He hadn't thought much of it because he could understand where she was coming from. She'd been silenced for too long. There was so much she wanted to say. But as for how it would change their relationship, he had no idea.

But strangely enough, with or without words, mistakes could be made, and his own parents' relationship was evidence of that. It wasn't something that he was worried about. If anything, it was his newfound optimism that he was concerned about. He was becoming both less and more familiar to himself as the days went by.

Yet this moment wasn't about him, it was about her. So Ben took Rey's hand in his and squeezed tightly. He could clearly see the number twenty etched onto her skin. In a matter of days, it'd be gone. She looked at him worriedly, but said nothing. Either she was saving words for her friends or she was unable to find the right things to say. Whatever her reasons were, it didn't really matter to him.

"This is great." Ben whispered. He kept his eyes on hers and hoped that where words failed, she would still see how he meant every single one. "I'm happy for you."

"I won't stop talking." Rey replied as she buried her face into his neck.

Ben chuckled and pulled her in closer. "I'll listen to every word you say."

Rey said nothing, but he could feel her smile against his skin.

\---

"You're quiet."

Ben looked up from his phone. His mom narrowed her eyes slightly. "And you're smiling." She shifted, and Ben tensed. He recognized the look on her face. It was an expression reserved for senate investigations and familial interrogations.

He'd been saving his words for Rey, but Ben doubted that he could escape this conversation. His mother knew when she was onto something, and he'd put off the topic for far too long. But admitting his relationship with Rey was a serious topic. Perhaps the most personal thing his mother would know about him in years. He didn't know where to start. Their safe, surface level conversations had been enough to begin mending the cracks in their relationship. This was a leap for them.

His mother's hand inched closer, near enough for him to reach if he wanted to. Ben took a deep breath and sighed. He recalled a piece of advice his other had been fond of repeating to herself before debates - start with the facts. 

"I'm seeing someone." 

His mother smiled. "I see."

"It's going...okay."

"That's good to hear sweetheart." Ben watched as Lelia's hand inched closer. Despite her tumultuous relationship with his father, she still wore her wedding band. A simple gold band of dubious authenticity, but its constant presence was evidence of how much she cherished it. 

There were so many things he wanted to say to her, and he could feel his threat closing up. It wasn't just the restriction, it was the fear of repeating past mistakes. He had hurt her so many times, and he didn't want to do it again. He'd been careless with his words once. Now, he wanted to find the right ones.

Under the spotlight of her gaze, he tried to grasp for some place to start, unsure of what Leia wanted to hear. It'd been a long time since they'd touched such an issue. At a loss for words, he did what he felt was best for the situation.

He took her hand in his. 

Her hand was small and soft. It'd been years since he'd last done this with her. The angle felt awkward, and he was sure she could feel how clammy his hand was. She turned her hand slightly and held his tightly.

Ben looked up at his mother. Her eyes were bright. 

It was all the encouragement he needed. He took a deep breath and began telling his mother how he met Rey.

\---

Rey was sick, and for the first time since she'd gotten her restriction removed, she was unable to speak. For someone who often claimed to have great survival skills, she'd somehow underestimated the warning signs of a sore throat. He'd gone out to buy some milk, and when he'd come back, she had a full blown fever.

He'd spent the whole day running errands and checking up on her. Rey refused his bed and insisted on staying on his couch. Due to her refusal, he'd transferred all of his pillows. He got her water. He brought her soup. He gave her medicine. These were all things he'd never imagined himself doing for another person, yet it came to him like instinct.

He was supposed to be taking a break from nurse duties, but he felt on edge. Ben racked his brain for things to do. He was only half-watching the movie that was playing on the TV. Rey was a heavy sleeper, but he'd set the volume was set at a barely audible level anyway. He considered calling his mom and asking her about how to take care of a sick person.

Ben glanced at Rey. She was curled up on his sofa, comfortably wrapped up in one of his blankets. He wasn't sure of what to do, but he felt compelled to stand. He came to her side and knelt down. He pressed his hand gently to her forehead and was relieved to find that it was cooler than it'd been earlier in the day.

His heart felt full at the sight of her. The day had been a mix of emotions. But now, with most of his worry behind him, his thoughts and feelings had finally settled. He could fully recognize what it was that was driving him, and what it was that he felt. And just as he thought of what he wanted to say, Rey's eyes fluttered open.

Perhaps she wasn't quite fully awake, and although he'd just found his words, Ben wanted to say them aloud. Rey reached to squeeze his hand, and he found his courage to speak.

"I love you."

Rey's attempt at a reply was rough, her voice scratchy from lack of use. They both laughed. Feeling more confident now, Ben whispered the same words once more. He repeated them over, and over again, never growing sick of how they felt on his tongue and how speaking them aloud made Rey smile wider. He was determined to say them until he couldn't.

_0 words left._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are much appreciated, and you can say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/little_passions)! ♥


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